beauty

Beauty. One word. What is the first thing you think of when you hear this word? Physical appearance? The inner soul? I'm willing to bet that most people who say, "He/She is so beautiful," are referring to the person's physical appearance. But what is this mirage? And what does this say about humanity? Other words used to describe attractive physical appearance are hot, hansom, sexy, cute, pretty... the list seriously goes on and on! But when I say beauty I think of the person's inner being, the person's inner soul. Yes, there are people I think are attractive in appearance, but how much of this outer appearance reflects who they are as a person? I have seen very attractive men who catch my eye, but as soon as I hear them start "swearing like a sailor," or smoking, or whatever else turns me off I question my reasons for seeing them as "attractive" to begin with. What the eye sees is deceptive. You cannot tell the beauty of a person by what he/she looks like. Like "love at first sight?" Sorry, but this is lust at first sight. How would you know you love a person just by looking at them? Think about it... hmm...

Focus on that inner beauty a person possesses. My friends are truly some of the most beautiful people I know. The way Brittney looks at humanity and wants to help save the hurting women in the world. Or the way Tess (Theresa) literally wants to change the world through teaching and medicine. Look at Laura who wants every child in the world to have an education and travels all over the world evangelizing and teaching. Or Harmony who moved back to Zimbabwe following God's call to work with her church and teach music to kids. Or the joy that Anthony Eder shares through his words, actions, and smile. Rachel is moving to Asia to learn more about business and speak Mandarin so she can communicate with different cultures. I have never seen anyone love the way Aimee loves and is open to different ideas. Betsie's humor and friendship have meant more than anything to me. Camp and my SIT crew have brought more joy and beauty to my life than anything else. These are just a handful of beautiful people. I could go on about how each of my friends have touched my life and have changed my world.

The most beautiful person in the world is the person that follows God's call and strives to serve Him in every way possible, loves others more than he/she loves him/herself (the selfless person). This person loves so genuinely and is his/herself in all circumstances. S/he is not afraid of what others think, and has the confidence to stand up for what is right (the confident person). I am far from the most beautiful person in the world. Yes, I try to follow God's call and strive to serve him in every way possible. I definitely don't love others more than myself all the time, although I do try my best to put the needs of others first. I wish I considered myself a highly confident person, and I wish I could be myself in ALL circumstances, but the reality is this is the ideal, and no one can live up to being the ideally beautiful person. Why even try to be perfect when, guess what? We can't be! God is perfect. He is the ideal. He is beautiful!!! More beautiful than we could ever imagine or we could ever see! I have never seen God face to face but I know the day I do, I will fall even more madly in love with Him, for His love and inner beauty is so passionately selfless, and so ridiculously perfect and genuine. I never knew I could feel so much love. Most of all, God's beauty has touched my heart in its deepest place... the corners that could feel nothing at all until He brightened and lightened them with His compassion, forgiveness, joy, peace, trust, grace, BEAUTY, faith, hope, and L♥ve.

So, people of this world, look for the beauty of people that is rarely seen nor tapped into. The inner beauty of the outerly unattractive person (outerly is not a word but it works here). The inner beauty of everyone for that matter. And especially the beauty of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

What inner beauty do you possess?

How does your outer appearance and inner beauty differ? Of others?

When have you judged someone strictly based on outer appearance?

What beauty do you recognize in others that others miss?

camp faith story

Camp is one of the most inspirational places I have been. I grew up going to El Camino Pines nearly every summer from about 3^rd through 9^th grade. My most memorable experience was confirmation camp, the summer after 8^th grade. I went up with my youth group, and on the night of the last campfire a pastor gave an inspirational talk and asked us if we wanted to rededicate our lives to Christ. I was inspired by the pastor’s words and felt called to make this commitment. I received a black wristband, along with many other people who came up. I sat back down at the campfire, looked up at the stars and began to cry because I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit deep inside of me. I felt this overwhelming peace and understanding from within, and knew that God was carrying all of my struggles and that everything was going to be okay. I still wear that wristband today as a reminder that my life is dedicated to God. It is one of those moments that I will never forget. The theme verse of the week was Micah 6:8, which is, “He has shown thee, of people, what is good, and what the Lord requires of thee. But to do justice, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God.” This became one of my confirmation verses when I was confirmed the next fall.

About six years later I found myself working at camp as a counselor. This was my fourth summer working at camp, and this time as the staff in training program director. I trained high school students to become future counselors and leaders.

What can I say? We have a blast a camp. It is so much fun. We are a close-knit community of believers. The campers learn about God and grow in their faith and are able to simply be themselves. The counselors are fun and outgoing, and their energy is contagious. Camp is a place that inspires kids. It stirs in them a longing to pursue God in their lives and to pursue their faith in all circumstances. They learn how to love others who are different from them because every camper is unique. Camp is about acceptance of who we are as children of God, and I can’t think of a better place, than at camp, to learn about the one who created us all. The relationships built at camp are truly life lasting.

Also, kids do not get to spend enough time outdoors. They are inside for school, when they watch TV or play videogames, but at camp that all changes. We pursue and enjoy the beauty of the outdoors. God’s creativity captures the kids when they step foot outside.

Here's just a quick story as I wrap up. There was a camper who at the beginning of the week, it was clear he did not want to be there. He was a high school football player, a “big, tough guy,” and he didn’t seem to want to talk about much when he arrived.” The week transformed him. We went white water rafting and I could see him open up and become vulnerable as he let down his guard. By the last day, he was telling everyone to keep in touch and that he would miss camp. This is just one story among many of how camp works in kids' lives. It has a lasting impact, as kids gain confidence and learn about discipleship. Camp has been a huge blessing in my life, and I see it bless so many kids.

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In search of direction...

Ever feel like you lack direction? That's kind of where I'm at right now. Yes, I know God has a plan for me, and yes I know that things will work themselves out. I'm currently looking for a job and right now with the combination of the economy and my music degree, I'm finding it difficult. I found a job at a preschool I thought would have been perfect, but they hired someone before I came back into town from camp. I was in contact with them since April. Then I found a couple jobs at Westmont that looked like possible opportunities but my first choice position there closed, and my mom, who started working there this week, said they are already interviewing my second choice position there. The job market is practically non-existent to BA music degree students fresh out of college. At least, if I want to stay in my hometown. I asked God for direction at camp and God told me, "If you look to things that don't matter, that's what you will find. But, when you look to things that matter most, that's where you will find Me." I have nothing to do but place my trust in the Lord, and work hard in finding what I can for now.

I majored in music, voice being my primary instrument, because I loved to sing. That's it. Yes, it's that black and white. I don't want to be a performer. I'm not even sure if I want to teach, but it is a possibility. Now that I'm done with school, I wish I would have majored in liberal studies, to become a teacher, or something specified to an occupation such as music therapy, or music education, instead of just plain music. Don't get me wrong, I worked my butt off for a "just plain" music degree. Piano proficiency, history of western music, I could go on...

I'm working on a CD right now. Very amateur. I've recorded all 17 of my songs on garageband. I wrote half of them. You can hear the buzzing of the cheap computer microphone in the back of all the songs. Some songs are with my friend Sean on the guitar, or Laura on flute, others are duets, or covers, even some small group stuff we actually recorded in a studio. I've titled the CD "faith child." I love music, and I love singing, and I love composing. If I could get away with making a living writing music, and singing and recording it, without having to do concerts or be famous, I'd do it in a heartbeat. That is if people actually liked and wanted to buy my album. haha. But hey, I think most of it is pretty good.

But, what does God want me to do with my life? That's the right question to ask. What is my calling? I know it's with music, kids, and ministry. I thought since eighth grade I was supposed to be a pastor, but now I've discovered that there are so many forms of ministry, and that they do not all come in form of a pastor. It's still an option for the future though, I just don't think the timing is right, right now. God has given me the gifts of compassion, gentleness, kindness, singing, working with and relating to kids, as well as faith, and sharing God's love. My questions for you God are, "What is my next step? Where do you want me next? How can I better pray to hear your voice, and discern where You are calling me? How can I truly listen and open my heart and mind to what you are telling me?" I prayed for patience a lot after my freshman year of college, and now people say I am a patient person. It took patience before I got an answer of how to be patient. Be careful what you pray for... but... pray for it all the same. God knows what's on your heart. Why not ask for His help?

What do you need direction for in your life?

How can you better listen to God?

What are your gifts?

Do you/how do you ask God to help and guide you?

Homosexuality: Acceptance and Love within Christianity

Camp over the last four summers has shown me truly unique and interesting people. A handful of these people are gay and lesbian. These are my friends, amazing Christ-centered individuals, who love God and are joyful leaders beyond belief. I have had the opportunity over the last few summers to talk with four of them about their sexuality. After one of them told me that he dated girls earlier in his life, I told him I didn't understand that. Why would he date girls if he was not attracted to them? He told me, "Kelly, you have to understand. It's not easy being the way I am, it's difficult." It's so different from the ways of the world. Each person I talked to who is gay or lesbian, has told me one clear thing. It is not a choice. "How could God create people gay though?" I wondered. One of my pastors brought up a good point. "They did not choose to be this way. Why would people choose to be so opposite, so backwards, so different from everybody else?" The world does not understand their ways, their differences...

This is such a gray area for me. I went to Westmont College, a small conservative Christian college (1,200 students), but grew up in the fairly liberal ELCA (Evangelical Lutheran Church of America). My parents are conservative on the issue of homosexuality, my sister liberal on it. I, on the otherhand, am still figuring this issue out for myself. I used to believe that being a homosexual was a choice. Now after talking to my gay and lesbian friends, I believe it is not a choice. I am a straight female and I'm comfortable with my sexuality. I am and always have been attracted to men. All I can do now is love and accept the homosexual person for who they are. Should I try to change them? No. Should I condemn their behavior? No. Should I judge them? Of course not. I don't know if this issue will ever be clear cut in my mind.

Like the issue of should women become pastors? That one is black and white for me. Obviously, yes! Women are amazing pastors. Although many of my conservative friends disagree, sadly! Should homosexuals become pastors? In the past I may have said no. The Lutheran Church now is discussing and has been for some time, whether or not practicing homosexuals should become pastors? Why not? Even if homosexuality was a sin, and I'm not saying yet if it is or is not, we all sin. What would be the difference in hiring a person with an alcohol addiction, or a compulsive liar? These are sinners. We all sin.

So, is homosexuality a sin? The Bible says in Romans and 1st Timothy that it is. The Old Testament also says it is. Who can argue with the Bible? Then again, it states that women should hold their tongues and not speak in church. Back then it was because they were "not educated" as well as the men. I have also heard the argument that men should be "the head" of the church, or "the head" of the family, therefore, in the church family, some believe women can be in ministry as long as they are not the head pastor or senior pastor. A professor of religion at Westmont College told me, "Why stop there? Why let women be pastors, but not senior pastors?" Look at how many women are on the church council, or who hold positions in the church. Pastors, Sunday school teachers, youth directors, and so much more! Times have changed. There are so many examples of strong, influencial women of the Bible. How can you say they should not lead the church? Excuse my rant and tangent. If I'm this passionate about women being able to be pastors, then why not homosexuals too?

Now, back to homosexuality. This is an issue I have pondered all my life, going back and forth on so many thoughts about it. I would think to myself, "It's a sin. It isn't a sin. Well the Bible says it's a sin, so it has to be. But these people, these Christ-centered, God loving people are telling me this is the way they were made. Is it a choice? God could not have created people gay. My friends and every homosexual person I have talked to say that this is the way they are. They have not chosen this. They were created this way. And, I know God loves them just the way they are."

That's what we need to take from this. We should love and accept homosexuals just like we love and accept everyone else. Some hide the way they are. Why? For fear of rejection. For fear of being the topic of gossip. For leaders in the church, for fear people would leave the church. We welcome you in our church, the ELCA. Come, learn about the Good News of Jesus. Come, just as you are to worship! You are a precious and loved child of God. You are perfect the way God made you. May the peace of Christ be with YOU always. YOU being every created person.

Please comment. I am completely open to hearing what you think and have to say. I invite your open and honest opinions.

camp goodbyes

When I took the position as one of the staff in training program directors, I never realized it would be the best summer of my life. Saying goodbye was even harder than I realized. When John left us yesterday I cried in the airport. Laughed and cried at the same time. He made me smile and laugh by just being himself, even as I was saying goodbye, tears welling up, and falling down my cheek, not knowing when I will see him again. Sean, John, Josh, Kris, and I became so close. With one more week of camp, the next three goodbyes will hit me like bricks falling on my head. The first one was hard enough. I really dislike goodbyes. When you become close to people, and I mean like this summer where we spent 24/7 together for 2 and half months, goodbyes are about the saddest things ever. It's worth it though to know that we made an impact on their lives and that we shared something truly "Holy magical!" as Anthony says.

Below is an article I wrote for the LRCC (Lutheran Retreats Camps and Conferences) newsletter. I hope it gives you even the smallest taste of the impact of this summer. Best summer ever!

“We would love for you to be one of our staff in training program directors, Kelly,” Anthony Briggs told me last December. After prayerfully considering this job option, I accepted, soon to be accompanied by Sean, a counselor I worked with two summers before. I did not know Sean too well, but once camp started, and we began writing music together, song after song, through conversations and laughter, we quickly became friends, and greatly enjoyed working together.

In June, four interesting and gifted young men entered our camp community. They were energetic and full of fresh ideas. Through these young faces we saw the birth of a new camp generation. The purpose of the staff in training program is to prepare sixteen and seventeen year old youth to become qualified future staff members.

This summer has been filled with fun and amazing memories. We began our first two weeks at Camp Yolijwa, learning the ins and outs of camp, and participating in lifeguard training. After two weeks into the program one of our SITs decided not to continue with the program. As difficult as it was to see one of our numbers dwindle, it grew us closer together.

We continued our time at beach camp, then half of us proceeded to New Orleans for the National High School Youth Gathering. The three of us that were there even got to hang out in Louisiana! We returned to Yolijwa, and next will be heading to El Camino Pines where the SITs will be staying in the cabins and observing the counselors in action. For the last week of teen camp they will be peer leaders and get to lead Bible studies, devotions, and activities alongside the counselors. Kris, an athlete and guitarist from Camarillo, California explains, “At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do the program, but I’m glad I did it, because it’s been the best summer I’ve ever had.”

We have enjoyed trips for frozen yogurt, singing loudly on road trips, but have also been deeply touched by our personal faith stories. Never have I seen such passion and eagerness to dive into the camp life. Josh, from Madison, South Dakota is a highly likeable, joyful person. He comments, “The SIT program is the greatest experience of my life. I know I wouldn’t be able to have done half the things being in South Dakota.”

Through the four summers I have worked at camp, this has been one of my favorites. God has inspired me through the creativity and joy in these young men. John, a down to earth, gifted artist from Tempe, Arizona says, “It’s been an amazing summer, full of laughs, memories, and meeting lifelong friends. The experience has soared passed all of my expectations. My faith has grown so much in these short weeks. I can’t wait till next summer.” I look forward to seeing these three guys work at camp for many summers to come.

National High School Youth Gathering, New Orleans, 2009

A few days ago I got back from the National High School Youth Gathering in New Orleans, Louisiana. There were 37,000 high school students and adult leaders. Yay for Lutheran gatherings! I saw a bunch of camp people and friends. Such a small Lutheran world. The gathering gave us free t-shirts, bags, and Bibles.

We were supposed to pray at 4:24pm every day, but that was kind of hard to remember sometimes. It was because of the scripture, Acts 4:24. We did the "Final 15" every day, which was the daily devotional. We reflected on our days during these.

There were 37,000 people in the superdome, including awesome bands. Skillet, The Katinas, Lost and Found, Agape, Amanda Shaw, the House band, and other amazing performers.

Our service project was painting the inside of an elementary school. It was partly under water during hurricane Katrina. We were able to see houses that 4 years later were still damaged and not rebuilt after Katrina. The people there were so grateful we were there. They thought that no one cared about them, but after seeing all 37,000 of us there, they constantly thanked us. They said we were blessing them, and that was pretty amazing!

Cajun food is tasty! I tried alligator and frog leg, which I've never tried before. It was good. My youth group of 11 people, including myself, Rich and Andrea had a great time overall. We did an incredible amount of walking on the trip.

On the airplane ride there I sat next to Spencer from San Luis Obispo, and Leslie from Arroyo Grande. we talked a little bit. On the way back, surpisingly I sat next to both of them again. This time we were excited to see each other, and talked a lot about the trip. This trip was somethimg that changed us.


Yesterday I went to Disneyland with Sean, Anthony, and the SITs. Oh man, I love my job. Well, we are all meeting now, so peace out. Lata friends!

Camp SIT program!

In my last blog I said I wanted to share a faith story, but I'm going to have to save that for another time.  I'm one of the Staff in Training (SIT) program directors for Lutheran Retreats Camps and Conferences (LRCC).  It is such an amazing, fun job!  I travel from Camp Yolijwa (Youth Living Jesus Way), to beach camp, to New Orleans for the National High School youth gathering with 36,000 people (but this is through my church that I'm the youth director at), to El Camino Pines.  I get to travel with 3 amazing high school guys, and the other SIT program director, Sean.  We originally had 4 guys but one of them went home.  It is so much fun.  I can't say that enough.  The first week was confirmation camp at Yolijwa and the next week we did lifeguard/CPR/first aid training.  I'm now certified in all of them, which is cool.

God told me something really awesome on July 9th.  I told Him with all sincerity that I need clear direction.  He told me, "If you turn to things that don't matter, that's what you will find.  When you turn to things that matter most, that's where you will find me."

God is so cool in the way He speaks to me.  He know when it is something I need to hear.

What has God been telling you lately?

How do you respond to what He has to tell you?