New Blog Site:

Please follow my new blog here:

http://kellyjianas.wix.com/kellyjianas

There are already plenty of posts to enjoy!

Also please view my professional website for my music services (piano and voice lessons in Orange County):

kellyjianas.weebly.com

Thanks all!

Love and blessings,

Kelly

link to new blog

www.msamiracles.wordpress.com

A link to my blog about my Dad's battle with Multiple System Atrophy.

Raise awareness today.

My Father

My father, the Stanford University graduate, the retired attorney, the triathlete, the 100-mile cyclist, the church going Lutheran, the intellectual, the photographer, the seven-continent traveler, the beach lover, the high-achiever, a man of integrity, a man with a rare illness.

When I think of my dad, I think all these things.  Anyone who knows my dad would describe him as good-hearted, intelligent, successful, athletic, and a loyal friend.  One of Dad's friends described him as a mix between Beavis Cleaver and the Hulk, both smart and strong.

Ever since I was a little girl, I looked up to my dad and wanted to achieve everything he achieved.  I knew I would go to college, get my Master's Degree, get married, have children, and be a great parent, just like him!

When I was in elementary school my sister, Kim, and I would go to Cathedral Oaks Athletic Club in Santa Barbara, where we would dive into our favorite activity... the pool!  Daddy gave us "alligator rides" where he would swim underwater across the pool, and we would hold onto his back, and shout, "Again!  Do it again, Daddy!  Do it again!"  I have fond memories of spending weekends with my family at the pool.

Daddy encouraged my sister and I in all of our after school activities.  He signed me up for the Santa Barbara Children's Chorus, piano lessons, swim team, tennis lessons, ballet, gymnastics and sailing with the Santa Barbara Sea Shells Association.

He walked me to my first class at Goleta Valley Junior High School where, at the height of 4"11, I was nervous amidst all my towering, pre-pubescent peers.  But with my dad's height of 6'2", I felt safe as he dropped me off at Mr. Slater's math class, first period.

We traveled... everywhere!  Tahiti, Fiji, Bora Bora, Moorea, Europe, Alaska, Hawaii, a road trip across the United States, and another up the east coast.  I was the most blessed girl in the world!

In high school my dad traveled to Reno to watch me compete in the Reno International Jazz Festival with the Dos Pueblos High School Jazz Choir.  He chaperoned a trip our Trinity Lutheran Church high school youth group took to Tijuana, Mexico.  He went to all of my cross-country meets, and watched me several times, play Lady Larkin in the high school musical.  He was also the protective father who made sure the shirts I wore to high school covered my stomach, and he was quite the traditionalist; not liking when I wore flip flops to school.  He was always there to look out for me.

When I went to the University of Denver, Lamont School of music, my freshman year of college, he flew to Denver to watch my recitals, and choir performances.  He and my mom were my biggest fans!  They supported me when I wanted to pursue a degree in music and my dad mentioned once he could see me singing on Broadway.

When I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder my freshman year of college, he flew out to Denver to help me through a difficult time.  After my time in Denver and before I transfered to Westmont College,   my dad had some news for me.  First off, he no longer worked at his law firm, Grokenberger, Smith, and Courtney.  Secondly, he had been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease.  Now, my mother's father, my grandfather, whom I called Papa, had passed away from Parkinsons' Disease.  I knew what this meant... a life in a downward spiral.  I was crushed.  How could my dad, the most intelligent, hard working, athletic, healthy man I knew, suddenly be diagnosed with this horrible illness?  It was so unfair.

Skipping ahead about six years, Dad and Mom had just come back from a summer trip to Hawaii.  My dad was in the garden, pruning the roses, when he told me he had something important to tell me.  His diagnosis had changed.  "What is it?"  I inquired.  He told me he had Multiple System Atrophy.  I had no clue what this was.  He said the prognosis was not good.  I internally began to freak out inside.  After researching Multiple System Atrophy, and learning it was a degenerative, orphan disease, and a rare neurological disorder, with a 6-8 year prognosis, I began to weep.  No.  This was not happening.  My father did not have this.  He couldn't have this.  But he did.

The symptoms had begun far before this point.  The worst side effect is extremely stuttered speech to the point where language is nearly incomprehensible.  Other side effects include loss of fine motor movement, the inability to write, shuffled steps, loss of balance when walking backwards, the inability to urinate, the inability to stop a motion once started, such as scratching his head, sleep apnea, and lack of expression in his face amongst other side effects.

My dad assured me he would not give up and he would fight this disease.  Since then, there have been some discrepancies as to whether or not he has Multiple System Atrophy (MSA) (formerly known as Shy-Drager Syndrome), or Progressive Supranuclear Palsy (PSP), in which the prognosis is a few years shorter.  There is understandable frustration in our family and questions to God about "why?"

My dad and I did not always see eye to eye.  He could have a quick temper and we had disagreements.  After his diagnosis, we became much closer.  I had much more compassion for my dad, my eyes were opened to how short life is, and how arguing was not worth it, especially with limited years ahead.  One thing Dad told me was that the hardest thing for him would be, if Kim and I were to have children in the future, he would not be able to know his grandchildren in a way where they knew him as himself, not plagued by this disease.  I have only seen my dad cry three times in my life.  This was the third time.  I tried my best to reassure Dad, knowing that the future was unknown.

As I moved Orange County to start graduate school, pursuing my Masters in clinical psychology: marriage and family therapy, it has been more difficult to communicate with Dad.  We have a difficult time communicating on the phone.

There was a elementary school reunion in October 2010, with my dad as the guest of honor.  Many people came to celebrate the life of my dad, Rami Courtney, and my dad said he felt overwhelmed and showered with love that day far beyond his imagination.  I sang "Hallelujah," with one of his friends that day, and we all celebrated my wonderful father's life.

My mom is currently the breadwinner of the family, and an extraordinary and strong woman who both works and cares for my dad.

Although I'm not a Broadway singer and Bipolar Disorder is still a battle, I know my dad's love for me and for life is unceasing.  I know God has His hand over our family and carries us through the hardships.  My dad is and always will be one of the strongest people I know.  He is my father, the one who raised me, loves me, and looks out for me.  I will continue to love him and look out for him for the rest of his life, and know that this illness does not define him.  Continue to be strong, Dad.  I love you!

With all the love in the world,

Your Kelly

airplane humor

This crazy woman sitting next to me on the airplane tapped our stewardess on the butt to get her attention and told her to tell an airport employee to go back upstairs in the San Francisco airport to look for her satchel as the plane was about to take off... not once, no, no, but 3 times.  People on the plane began chanting, "Let's go!  Let's go!"  The stewardess told her, "Sorry ma'am, but she can't find your bag.  The crazy ma'am proceeded to say, "It's not a bag, it's a satchel," and then struck up a conversation with me for half of the flight.  When I was finally able to escape the plane (and the crazy ma'am) I was greeted with a hug from a stranger in the airport who I mistook for Laura's grandmother.  What a journey!

ministry through new eyes and new insight

It's amazing how the people in your life shape who you are.  This can be such a great thing, and it can also be a dangerous thing.  Who God shapes you to be is what matters.  There is and will be a different opinion from each person you ask.  I've learned to genuinely be myself.  This can be easy and it can also be impossible.  The me God created me to be is constantly changing, growing, evolving, and being shaped slowly, creatively, persistently, into the woman God created me to be.  A book I'm reading right now, by John Ortberg, called, "Me, the me I want to be, becoming God's best version of you," is about this subject.

Two wonderful women called me strong today.  I admit, I know I'm strong.  I believe everyone is strong in ways and everyone has certain weaknesses.  I definitely have both.  A weakness of mine, is that I constantly need to be surrounded by people or else I feel lonely.  This comes with the territory of being a quasi-extrovert.  This weakness can also be a strength.  Through people comes encouragement, at least through the people I choose to hang around.  Encouragement in my faith and/or encouragement by challenging my beliefs.  I love this, and I thrive on this!

Wisdom. Wisdom is knowing not to be limited by set rules that seem to be in place.  Wisdom is challenging and questioning everything.  Even those things you are sure you will "never" change your mind about.  One of those things for me is God.  I have never questioned the existence of God, but I have questioned attributes of God or reasons why God allows certain things to happen.  Such as, "God, why did you allow Priscilla's baby to die?"  Or, "God, why did you allow my sister to stray away from wanting to talk about faith?"  There are so many things I question.  So many things I don't understand.  I've come to accept that I don't have nor do I want to have all the answers.  I want to say only God has all the answers, but do I really know that God does?  I know God knows everything.  God knows what goes through my head every second of the day.  God knows my weaknesses and my temptations, even more than I recognize them.

What can I learn from this?  I've learned it's okay and healthy to question and struggle with things.  To challenge and embrace new ways of thinking.  To being open to listening to non-Christians express who they are and what they believe, and as a Christian not portraying an image that I know nor have all the answers.  Because, frankly, I don't.  And anyone or any organization that claims to know all the answers should be treated with skepticism.  I can stand by what I know to be true.  I can listen knowing my foundation, knowing my roots, and being willing to minister to people by stepping into their culture, whether physically or verbally etc.  Being willing to take risks, to step outside my comfort zone, to search outside the box, and being grounded in my faith and beliefs in God.

Thank you Nadine and Diana for challenging me this afternoon.  Thanks for your listening ears.  Thanks for telling me that being a pastor can "limit" you and thanks for allowing me to disagree.  Thanks for allowing me to share about the gospel.  Thanks for teaching me about one's "inner light."  You two have lights shining so bright from within you, it's hard not to have your lights consume the people whose lives you've touched.  Mine included.

Visiting someone in the hospital, being spirit-led, listening to God's voice, worshiping through song, dance, art, music, creativity, laughing, or however else one wishes to worship, seeing visions, prophesying, speaking in tongues, praying, reading, spreading and preaching God's Word, loving people, teaching about God's love, counseling, listening to people, crying or mourning with the hurting people, laughing and rejoicing with those who have something to laugh about and rejoice over.... amongst so much else.  This is ministry.

"Love the Lord your God with all Your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.  And love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22: 37-39

I challenge you to question, with an open mind.  Seek and search for the answers to everything, knowing your roots.  Think BIG.  Dream LARGE.  Trust in God.  LOVE!

What are some things you have questioned?
What things have you changed your mind about over time?
What has happened in your own life that caused you to ask God, "why?"
What does the word "ministry" mean to you?
What are you "afraid" to question?
What helps you "think big, dream large, or trust in God?"

Future plans!

Future plans:

*LRCC leadership, assistant day camp director from June 8- August 10, 2010.

*Immediately after, I move.

*grad school here I come...

*I need to find a church.  I only found 1 ELCA Lutheran Church in both the City of Orange and Tustin.  It had 30 people, all older....  Apparently the OC is very conservative... I had no idea... hope I will find my niche, and a great church.  It doesn't have to be ELCA, even though that's what I would like.  All my camps, youth gatherings, church family etc. is connected with the ELCA and it's where I feel comfortable.  We'll see what happens...

*This weekend, May 28-31 I'll be at a memorial day weekend camp with my church!  Goodbye youth ministry at Christ Lutheran!  This is my last hurrah with the church and the youth.  I will miss them all more than they know!

*Going to Disneyland with Eric, and Katie beginning of June!  Harmony is visting from Zimbabwe the next day!  It's going to be a fun filled week before leadership staff training!

There's my update on upcoming events in my life!  Thank you God for keeping my life exciting!!!!  I love God for that!

Love,
Kelly

God is faithful!!!

God is so faithful.  I wanted so badly to go back to camp this summer, but there was no spot for me.  I told God that he better have something pretty amazing planned for me for the summer because I couldn't think of anything that would be better and more rewarding than working at camp.  Then Anthony Briggs called me and told me a spot had opened up for a leadership position of assistant day camp director!!!  I was so excited and accepted the position.  I know God listened to my plea, that night as I sat on a bench under the stars, crying, telling God I was upset at Him.  But, God always comes through.  He is so faithful!!!!!!

I got accepted to grad school too!  I got into Fuller Theological Seminary, and I also have interviews the next two weeks at Alliant International University and Azusa Pacific University, which is my top choice!  I'm so excited to see where I end up!  So, I will definitely be moving out of Santa Barbara next year.  I'm excited but anxious too.  I've lived here my whole life, with the exception of my freshman year at the University of Denver (aka DU).  I had a terrible experience with that move and was completely homesick, but I was only 18 and just out of high school.  I'll be 25 in three days, so it's a little different now.

Also, I really like this guy, and he likes me too.  :) :) :)  He lives in a different state though so we are taking things really slowly and getting to know each other better.  I'm flying out to go to his graduation in May, and I'll be there for his birthday too.  We met at camp, and I really hope things continue to go well for us.  It's pretty exciting for me, because this kind of thing rarely happens to me.  :)  So, I'm very happy!  Yay!!!!

I auditioned to be on this TV show, Glee.  It was fun!  I don't actually expect to be chosen for the show, but it was fun auditioning all the same.  I recorded a 1 minute clip talking about myself, and then sang a 4 minute song, Lean on Me.  It was just a fun experience.

I'm so excited for my future.  Camp this summer.  Grad school in the fall, and maybe a guy in my life.  So exciting.  God is sooooo good!

God's love always,
Kelly

Readers:
When has God been faithful to you?
What things are you struggling with, that you wish God would help you with?
What exciting plans are in your future?